| PAY CHECK!!!!!! |
[Thursday
November 5th, 2009] |
My first pay chck in over a year! Things will brighten up, yes they will, now that i have some money in the bank. Now i wont be counting cents and skipping meals because i'm broke. and i can finally buy things and stop bumming off of people.
I'm not going to spend ALL my pay check, but I DO want to get something for myself.
I was thinking art supplies? not sure what though, maybe canvas stretchers or something inspiring...i will look at michaels.
Maybe a peice of cheep jewelery? idk, i really need to save the money, i will. i need to save up to see miss colby :)
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| mother |
[Tuesday
February 17th, 2009] |
Two years is too long to have been without her
Every waking day is another day I need to live my life with grief and regret hanging around my neck
Never can I forget her final days, my last memories of her
Never forget the cancer, the sickness, the death, that plagued my mother
and engulfed myself
Heaven is where the angels are and for sure she is an angel.
Today is her anniversary, the day that marks her death. 2 years ago today family filtered through knowing that this was it. Her final day had come after battling cancer for 4 and a half years, i was only 17. Today is my best friend's birthday too, to make the day more bittersweet. I also failed a test this morning. I miss her more and more every day, but i can't seem to cry.
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[Tuesday
February 3rd, 2009] |
i hate dorming. i want to go home. everyone is forcing me to stay in this stupid room 5 minutes from my comfy home. my roomate is so quiet and boring. she is 21 and never drank alcohol. i just want to go home. smoke a bowl and watch tv. we dont have a tv in here. its snowing outside and if it wasn't i would be at home.
i'm so lonely. so bored. i saw my psych today and is increasing my effexor. i have a psych quiz tomoro and i dont feel like studying. i feel like moping and being a lump. ive barely eaten all day. thats not new. i never eat. i hate chewing. i can't even do any work right now i'm so distraught and undecisive.
~Elizabeth
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[Sunday
January 25th, 2009] |
There can be real value in your daydreams -- so feel free to let your mind wander all over the place today.
{Write down thoughts, ideas..tommorro i have a LONG day of school}
Having fantasies during your waking hours actually provides a great practice round for whatever new plans you want to pursue. So explore a new path today. Shoot for new heights and visualize how things would go if you ran the world, were a rock star, or just managed to get a promotion at work. Imagining it to be so is the first step in making it so.
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| Day 1 |
[Wednesday
January 14th, 2009] |
Even though i had to wake up at 8 to go to the bank with my grandfather to take care of checking/college business, I had a fine day. I had psych 1 at 11, we were dismissed early. then i tried to look for people at Hillwood cafeteria and couldn't find anyone to eat with :/. so i took a drive and went to modern art at 2. the teacher wasn't there so i just had to sign my name and off to the bookstore i went.
now i have heavy books to flatten the fiber-paper photograph Shea took of me.
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| Working Title |
[Monday
January 12th, 2009] |
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"Nothing Compares" is so far my first title. I started a memoir the other day. I'm not sure where it will go or if it will stay a memoir, but I haven't written creatively in a while so i just jumped on it. ( Where it all began... )
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[Monday
January 12th, 2009] |
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so i guess i'm dorming at CW Post. Even though i live 15 minutes away kevin and my grandparents think its a good idea. i guess i'll roll with this one.
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| books! |
[Sunday
January 4th, 2009] |
I find that reading really helps as an escape for me. i have always been drawn to books dealing with depression and unsettling situations.
I thought it would be fun to post your favorite books with a short (sentence or so) summary and if it had any affect on your emotions or outlook.
So I'll Start.
Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber
I read this 400+ page book all yesterday and i haven't read an entire book in ages. It's about the first documented account of a woman with 16 multiple personalities and her struggle to treat her lapses in memory and consolidate into one person.
Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wertzel
Most of you have read this! The discovery of Prozac woohoo!
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
(Yes, I googled the spelling of his Last name) The themes of destruction and hitting rock bottom were very influential at the time I read this.
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[Friday
October 24th, 2008] |
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i talked to my therapist and she told me not think about my future for the next month and focus on the school i am at now. and doing well. i get too overwhelmed by the future.
busy busy busy busy.i should really be starting my hw before lily gets home, or cleanign my rediculously messy room.ugh.
my excsema is breaking out like cray. im covered in scabs. i feel like my body is falling apart.
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| Light as a feather |
[Wednesday
May 7th, 2008] |
I dropped off the backpack Across the Island
now i travel home free from it's weight that it has
bearded on fragile spine
i return home with a spine twice as thick as before
with room to breath i Am now free from the bag that i packed so tightly
all i can do us let the music take over me
let the words and the rhythm move my body
And all i want to do is sing!
I don;t know what will happen next
whatever the next chapter reveals will just return to the chorus of me singing
I am free from the weight burdened on my spine
and can dance and sing like never before
I'm floating like a feather through the air never to be weighted down again!
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[Sunday
May 4th, 2008] |
i'm looking to make about a grand.
i need to save it to get my tattoo removed then redone.
i wish i wasnt so poor
i wish i didnt spend all my money on stupid shit like clothes and jewelery crafting to make no money in the end.
in april of last year i had 9 grand.
now i have about 2.
and im trying to spend as little of it as possible. ive been using cash not my card. i've made a little over 100 in my paypal account from selling shit online. but thats not much. i dont think i can make a grand online where i dont feel tempted to touch it.
i'm uninspired to make clothing
and thats where the money is
i cant even sell my shit on livejournal.
waste of life i am. i suck at retail and life.
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[Sunday
May 4th, 2008] |
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i am so uninspired
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[Wednesday
April 16th, 2008] |
today was productive.
cleaned my room with lily
then rearranged hers
went to payless
tanned
what else could a productive day consist of?
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